Oh yes sir, I’m a rambler,

I am a mean old thing

I cheat and curse and drink and lie,

My moral fiber’s thin

So kindly toss a coin here,

If you enjoy my song

And otherwise just beat it

And leave me the fuck alone

 

My daddy used to beat me,

When he was full of gin

I put a knife right through his heart

When I was seventeen

My mama told me ‘Baby,

Now don’t be gettin’ sore

You used to be the sweetest kid,

But you ain’t sweet no more

 

The foes are on

your left and right

Ophelia won’t

Make up her mind

The engine driver’s blind

And deaf and drunk

 

Now don’t be selfish,

Don’t be mean

I’ll pick your fucking

Pockets clean

Oh my, dear me

 

I went to see a gypsy,

Outside of Budapest

He said he’d read my future

And put some hair on my chest

He branded me with hot coals,

Poured poison down my throat

And then he kicked me out the door

And left me in the snow

 

Of course I had a love once,

Which didn’t take me far

She left me with a wet sock

Where I used to have a heart

And when they came to draft me,

I told the officer

‘I’ll kill you for a penny,

But I won’t go fight no war’

 

The foes are on

Your left and right

Ophelia won’t

Make up her mind

The engine driver’s blind

And deaf and drunk

 

Now don’t be selfish,

Don’t be mean

I’ll pick your fucking

Pockets clean

Oh my, dear me

 

So come on ladies,

Come on gents

And hit me hard

With all you have

You know that I don’t

Feel a single thing

 

Now don’t be selfish,

Don’t be mean

I’ll pick your fucking

Pockets clean

Oh my, dear me